I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
