Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
