Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
