Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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