True but thats because hes a fetus.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
