oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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