So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
