It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
