Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
