i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
