people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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