people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
