Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
