i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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