i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
