I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
