That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
