Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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