When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
