Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
