you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
