Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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