is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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