At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
