dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
