i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
