In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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