WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Houston, we have a squirter
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
