you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
