What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
