Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
