You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
