I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
