Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
