What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
