Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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