Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
