i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
