just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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