i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
