if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
