thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
