Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
