hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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