I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
