whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
