i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
