This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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