Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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