Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
