Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
soo... how was my night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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