dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
