Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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